The hidden cost of being the strong one in every room

I didn’t realise how much energy it takes to hold space for others every single day.

People used to tell me, “You’re so calm. You handle everything so well.”
And for a long time, I believed that was a compliment.

When David and I spent six months in Ibiza taking care of the SOMA Villa, the retreat space where we hosted and supported groups every month, I thought I was living my dream. I was teaching yoga, cooking nourishing food, surrounded by people passionate about breathwork and healing.

But something inside me was quietly unravelling

I didn’t realise how much energy it takes to hold space for others every single day. As facilitators, we were surrounded by strong personalities, deep emotions, and constant transformation. Everyone had something surfacing, joy, grief, resistance, and I absorbed it all like a sponge. I wanted everyone to feel good, to feel seen, to feel safe.

And in doing that, I slowly disappeared.

One afternoon, driving out to buy groceries, I pulled over on the side of the road and started to cry, the kind of tears that had been waiting for years to be felt.

That moment cracked something open in me. I saw how I’d built my identity around being “the strong one,” the reliable one, the peacekeeper. It wasn’t strength, it was survival.

You can also read: How I finally stopped trying to fix everyone — and started healing myself

Since then, I’ve learned that real strength isn’t about holding everyone else’s emotions; it’s about having the courage to face your own. It’s about saying no when your body says enough. It’s about letting others be responsible for their healing, while you take care of your own.

I still absolutely love holding space for others, it’s what I’m here to do. It brings me both joy and peace. But now I know that the most powerful space I can hold is the one I create inside myself.

About the author

Chantal Genecand is a SOMA Breath® Advanced Instructor, Emotional Root Healer, and yoga teacher. She guides women to reconnect with their emotional truth, release survival patterns, and return to a life rooted in authenticity and peace — alongside her husband and co-facilitator, David Genecand.

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